Trump Shocked to Learn SA Refugees Aren’t Actually Farmers
Trump Shocked to Learn SA Refugees Aren’t Actually Farmers: “They’re Just a Bunch of Car Guards,” He Says
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what can only be described as a plot twist no one saw coming except everyone else, U.S. President Donald J. Trump expressed deep disappointment this week after discovering that the South African refugees he welcomed under his much-publicized “Mission South Africa” were not rugged, khaki-clad agricultural experts—but instead a group of ex-car guards, aspiring influencers, and a guy named Bradley who “almost invested in a goat once.”
Trump, who launched the initiative in March with the volume of a foghorn and the grace of a slip-n-slide, had promised a fast lane to American citizenship for “very hardworking white farmers—strong people, incredible farmers, the best.” The move was based on claims of “land seizures” in South Africa, which the South African government has consistently denied, noting that pitchforks and angry mobs are not, in fact, a current part of their agricultural policy.
“I was told they were expert farmers. The best! I thought they’d show up with tractors and overalls,” Trump said Tuesday, while inspecting the garden hose aisle at Home Depot. “Instead, I got guys who think ‘crop rotation’ is a DJ move. One of them asked if ‘harvesting season’ was a Fortnite update.”
According to White House staffers—some of whom reportedly fled to the West Wing broom closet—Trump was “visibly distressed” when the first flight of South African arrivals touched down in Ohio wearing skinny jeans, knockoff Ray-Bans, and holding handwritten signs reading, “Where’s the Chick-fil-A?”
Initial efforts to settle them in Iowa farming communities proved... complicated.
“I thought we were coming here for freedom and opportunities,” said Jaco, 26, a former Johannesburg car guard currently living in a disused barn in Nebraska. “Nobody said anything about actual cows. I once took a selfie with one at Gold Reef City. Does that count?”
Another refugee, Corné, seemed more optimistic. “I told the American guy at customs, ‘I can’t grow crop, but I can make sure no one scratches your Toyota Camry at the mall.’
President Trump definitely didn't see this coming. Share your thoughts on the comments section 😉
Credit: ILoveAfrica
